Well here are some of the final images of John Thomas, the 23-year-old Native American boy I have been working with this week. I showed these images to John yesterday and he was completely blown away by the way I captured him. I could tell he was quite moved and was emotional touched by the final results. I am very fond of them myself and think they show an innocent side of him that is very vulnerable. There was a natural easiness to him that is immediately recognizable. He was also quite startled to see himself in such a sexy manner. When he came in he really had no conception of who he was in regards to his sensual/sexual self. After we were finished viewing and analyzing the images, we went back into the studio and I photographed him again. This time he was more aware of the process and seemed to come alive, there was now a self-awareness, almost like a sudden awakening with in him.

I am often drawn to subjects who dwell in self-doubt and can’t see themselves in a positive manner. It is exciting to see someone come into my studio who has no or low self-esteem and begin to see themselves emerge and really see the remarkable qualities that linger below the surface.

Growing up I could always feel something remarkable within myself, but suppressed or denied it because I did not think it was worthy of praise. I lived in the shadow of a brother who was drop dead handsome and was the admiration of everyone. It has taken me a lifetime of internal struggle to get beyond such self-doubt and loathing. Now that I have found the confidence and have made my way in my own world my insecurities have shifted. I now stand before me, looking into the mirror to see an aging man who’s doubt is now shrouded in wrinkles and aging skin.

And I am not entirely sure what to make of it. I know it is a part of life and living, but for some reason I it still have a hard time coming to terms with it. Is desire what drives my work or something else? The older I get, the further away I get from connecting to this desire within others and myself. It is becoming harder to find subjects who want to work with someone older with whom they can’t relate. Yet when it happens; remarkable and extraordinary thing are allowed to emerge.