Just finished doing my taxes and my head is spinning. Why does this always seem to be so difficult? No mater how much I prepare and organize and think I am on top of it all it still feels like a difficult ordeal. So why does it feel like we have just been run over by a train when we are done? I can’t really seem to gage the tax thing from year to year. Working part-time for a company that provides all the benefits while also working for myself self seems to create so much penalty. While working for yourself seems to give you satisfaction but also creates a constant struggle for your stability, especially in these economic times. Yet working for someone else gives you stability but limits your flexibility. There is always a compromise. The only stable jobs currently seem to be working for the government. It feels like I am always on the verge of making too much yet not enough. There never seems to be a clear balance. The more I make the more of it is consumed by others. Our services here in Montana, have always been on the low end. I heard a photographer promoting a photo session on the radio the other day for a $50 session fee, how can you compete?

Fiscally this year so far feels like I have fallen into a deep hole. The work just doesn’t seem to be out there and so I am focusing on my own creative endeavors. It feels like this year I am finally doing what feels right to me. It may kill me in the end, only time will tell. All I know is the more I seem to work on other people things, the less I have to give toward myself. I have had years where I have had great financial gain, been on top, promoted myself, grew my business, but when it come down to in the end of the year, the final analysis, revealed that most of that was lost because it went right back into what it cost to create it from the start. Profits I actually made from jobs I got from advertising and self-promotion in the end only seems to pay for what it cost to do the advertising and promotion. It just makes me that much busier. The real question is how do artists really sustain themselves. Do they actually make a living at it? Does it just become an intensified hobby or passion? So how does one begin to promote and sell their passion to make it sustainable? Is it something that can be sustainable? It is a time where everyone is struggling, pulling back and becoming protective of maintaining what they currently have. A time where cutbacks are impacting everyone, is it any wonder our economy is imploding! I even see and feel this effect at a big corporation like UPS. I am beginning to wonder if this will become an era from which we will actually recover?

I am beginning to believe this is the time to get back in touch with myself. Right now I am a very content person living his dream and following his heart. It’s gives me a freedom of expression of myself and my own free will and something about this makes me feel back in control again, empowers me. Where it takes me I am still not sure, but I am having a blast along the ride. I have always believed in karma and that hard work and being sincere will pay off in the end. It feels like few people actually follow what’s in their hearts and become disillusioned by their hopes. It seems very few only dare to follow a dream.