Last week was a flutter of activity.  I needed to turn my focus toward the Missoula Art Museum Auction and finish off my other website for it’s opening.  The art auction was a huge success for me.  My framed photograph of the Helmville Rodeo creating somewhat of a bidding frenzy and drove the price up, finally going for $1900.  This is very good for the Missoula market, photography in particular.  Mine becoming the 12^th highest priced piece to sell of the evening of 110 pieces being sold.  I am now being offered shows spots around Missoula area. This sort of establishes me as an artist in this region of Montana.  My cyrphoto website is now structurally in place, with just a minimal amount of on going tweaking to keep it operational.  I now have the month of February to begin to focus back on this project.

Yesterday I began a conversation with Cheesecake painter artist Paul Richmond whom I have admired for such a long time.  It just started out with a simple hello and the day ended with him sending me a selection of his images to become the next profiled artist on the project.  I was up well into the night creating his gallery.  It feels so good to be back here again.  I have missed this community.  I working on an article about Paul and will have it all posted later in the week.

I have also lined up several new models and will get back to shooting again the beginning of next week.

I woke up this morning thinking about my cousin Kathy.  There were three families from that generation, and each had three children and she was the only girl amongst eight boys.  I always felt a particular kinship with her, perhaps because that unbeknownst gay genetic gene was always present and she had dolls and I could feel safe and at home in her room.  She was always the person I went to and confided all my secrets with as she did with me.  In a sense it always felt like we could share everything.  But most importantly she never judged me.  Though we all knew I was different, not being able to label it as such.   She always accepted that difference and helped me to nurture and hold on to a side of myself that always seemed hopeless.  I was taunted and teased by other boys because I was so odd.  I was very sensitive and shy with a big heart I wore on my sleeve.  Some how others seem to take advantage of this vulnerability, but Kathy was always there, close, comforting, pulling me out of the muddy mire.

Lately I feel I have been feeling a bit lost and have come back to this project to somehow reclaim myself.  As I begin to clean though the files I begin to see how much doubt and fear so much of my life was based on.  I have been looking for the champions who have helped me through those though times.  Kathy was truly one of the champions in my early life.  I owe so much of my creative ability to her.  She is truly the woman of my light.  She supported me unconditionally.  She gave me such courage to find and accept myself.  I somehow didn’t see, or had forgotten until I dreamed about her this morning.  Somehow it feels like my conciseness is beginning to make its way back to a point of lost innocence and my dreams lately have been about people I have forgotten.

The years have passed and Kathy’s and my life have moved in different directions, in different cities.  We now see each other at family outings once a year or so, and it feels like we are strangers.  The last time I really connected with Kathy was several years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer; it was a beautiful crisp spring morning.  She came to the garden I was planting, we sat in the gazebo, in the beautiful light that morning, and opened our hearts talking about all the things we had lost, and how we always seem to reclaim ourselves.   I realized this morning, that Kathy I have you let you know how much you are loved, adored and admired.  Thank you for all you have ever done for me.