It had turned into a whirlwind of a weekend. It was homecoming at the University and I had two friends fly in from Tucson to stay with me, who will leave later today. Sorry for the lack of blogs but I was swamped with lots of activity. A homecoming game which the Griz lost. I also become consumed with two major photo jobs the last couple of days.
One of the shoots was my own kind of homecoming, spending early Friday morning and into the afternoon shooting headshots for the faculty and staff of the Drama & Dance department on campus. I still feel a strong vital connection to the theater. This shoot was easy because I was so at home and creating images of people I share such a strong bond to. As I was setting up a complete photo studio in the light shop of the building, I looked around me and thought this is really where I began. Where so many years ago I stood and merely dreamed of working in the entertainment business. Naive, inexperienced, immature; with stars in my eyes as I faced an uncertain life trudging into an unknown. Many of the people I photographed at this session I have a long history of working with, they share my story. I see how much I have changed and I ponder… “Did I really make it?” Did I accomplish all those dreams I was filled with so long ago? I certainly didn’t end up where I thought I would. As I work through the session I see now I have become the master of my own sort of progeny, a sort of mutation of my talent, skill and self becoming infused. It certainly feels I have made an impression on the world as I touch so many others around me. Perhaps this was my destiny after all. I feel content and happy. I see young people admire me and look to me as a model. I shudder a bit, as I think am I really that stable inside? Life is a shaky road, and often difficult to travel. I have often thought I am certainly not on the right path. This is not a direction I should be going. Yet everyday I have somehow managed to show up and be present, to create something, to follow a passion and try to be true to myself. As I finished the shoot and packed up my massive collection of gear and haul it, in many trips, to the car, I realized how comfortable I have become. I recognize how all of these little fragments somehow make up the all the bits of my life. These are the tools of what I have become, each acquired from various parts of my journey, some from the beginning, some from more recent, yet all as a sum become a part of my existence.
I have just seen perfection personified. I happen to wander into the Missoula Art Museum downtown to see the works of my buddy M Scott Miller who was a featured artist in one of the galleries. I perused each gallery working my way up to his show on the top floor. In the main gallery hung the most extraordinary work I have ever seen. It was an image done by Robert Mapplethorpe of a solitary white calla lily surrounded by darkness. It was printed on linen that was wrapped and then mounted in a black drop shadow frame. I was utterly transfixed on the image for about 20 minutes. Balance! Symmetry! Contrast! Perfection! As I stood there I realize this is the panicle of perfection that brought me to photography in the first place. It was by chance I had stumbled upon Mapplethorpe at a time when I was drifting in life and looking for a new direction. I was working in theater at the time and had never owned a camera or really taken a picture when I stumbled upon his work. I was utterly captivated by his ability to express himself through his imagery. I ordered all the books I could find on his work and as I began to siphon through his immense collection of image a dream was born within me to somehow take up photography. When the job I was working ended, I came back to Montana and enrolled in photography school; loved it more then anything else I had ever done, and strove to find my own balance within the frame. My life suddenly changed and I found something that was purely about me, my feelings, my emotions, and my perceptions of how I viewed the world. A teacher at the time told us to shoot what we knew. I tried to shoot bridges, mountains, and rivers, but it all seemed lifeless, as if I was destined to fail. It was the same as what everyone else in the class was shooting. I began to ponder and question what was the essence of my true identity? Was my world acceptable to be on display? Mapplethorpe had certainly taken us to the raw edge of his world. I was a gay kid in the middle of what felt like Podunk nowhere, Missoula Montana. The learning curve for a young artist is extraordinarily high. We do not know what our sense of vision is or should become. It’s a matter of learning to trust oneself and accept that trust. Mapplethorpe certainly knew this early and fled to New York in search of his own expression and a community that would accept his point of view. Now a day our community is the Internet as we search for acceptance among our peers of like-minded individuals. I marvel at how much the world has changed since this simple beauty that stood on the wall before me was created; the techniques, the media, the struggle, and the acceptance of ourselves as culture. I have seen many other Mapplethorpe images in my travels but none have captivated me such as this. It completely came upon me unaware. I realize now my life has somehow come full circle. As I now stand where I only dreamed to be as a youth and am still humbled by the presence of perfection.
I spent the last month researching and testing new ways to make my images available on line. I have found an amazing site called Smug Mug that directly links artist with customers and extraordinary printers. They gave me a selection of printers from various parts of the world and I spent considerable time and money testing the quality of work. Those images are now eye popping, finally looking like presentable works of art, ready to display. The site offers complete customization and the ability to order directly from the site. I sent them some of my most difficult image to print, where they had to balance bright red rich colors with lush natural skin tones and was blown away by what came back. This seems to have been the missing link in my process of working as an artist. I could always create the work but could not find a viable way to connect it to the consumer. With this link there are now so many options and possibilities. The images can be custom matted and framed. They can be printed on a high quality stretched canvas or wrapped on a thin board with a beautiful mount ready to hang. But the ultimate process seems to be high-gloss floating images printed on metal that is free standing out on the wall in a gallery type way. I am currently sharing the site with my regular photography business because it’s quite expensive to use as I continue to test it. I have always shot images of Montana and what surrounds me, tying to capture the essence of my environment. This includes annual small town rodeos. This is my environment, where I grew up and where I am most at home. Now for the first time these images are available for sale.
Last night I had a couple of very close friends over for dinner and as usual the conversation turned toward sex and romance. We all agreed that so much has changed since the Internet. An expectation is now assumed from the beginning of the encounter and the lack of seduction, anticipation, or revelation is gone. Desire has taken a new form and has somehow become homogenized. Have we lowered our personal standards to the point where we don’t care anymore or is this just the process of evolution? Part of stepping away from my own process was a fear of becoming mediocre of what I love the most. My passions still run deep weather it is sex, romance, or the process of creation and I somehow feel if I remain true, within my heart, none of the above will become inflicted. Some times a flicker of a moment lingers in our thoughts and makes us euphoric. I think it is this is the essence of what lingers that become the concept behind really great art.
The Virginia Creeper on the north fence is beginning to turn a bright red. The Montana skies have been filled with smoke, making everything hazy. I new football season has begun with the beloved Grizzlies. Today is my first day of vacation, for the fall, and I am back to work on this project. I realize several seasons have passed and it’s time to get started again. This has been a very productive year for me. Though I have taken some time away from this project, I feel an even stronger connection to it in my heart, but it almost feels like I have to relearn it. It was a year ago this month the website was born, and fall of last year became all-consuming. I need to learn to find balance, but perhaps that is just the status quo of life for most of us. I spent a great deal of this year developing my studio garden; it is one of the things I am truly passionate about. I keep saying I am on the 3rd year of a 10-year plan, but this year it leapt ahead to about the 7th. The basic structure of it is all now in tact. I truly feel at in heaven when I am outside working. I also spent some time this year reconnecting back into my community and hanging out with friends. Did a lot of work on the studio space and even hosted several chamber concerts in the space. It seems the space and gardens are becoming a perfect venue for fundraisers and everyone that comes into the place marvels that is exists here in Missoula. My photography has also made several leaps as well this year, as my summer has been filled with projects, more notable working on a series with a burlesque group called The Cigarette Girls.
